A letter to my environment This is what I have sent out to all the names in my address book.
Unfortunately my address book is still recovering from a technology stupidity (in which I erased the entire list trying to synch from 3 gadgets!). So if this does not reach you (provided you are not a complete stranger to me) then this is for you.

BE WARNED, IT'S LONG! but important nonetheless

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Dear Family/Friends,

How are you? I’m doing great.

I am writing this email to bring you something very special. A Letter.

To cut a long story short, this letter is an assignment to a particularly eye-opening course I am attending at the moment. It is written as Passionately, Enthusiastically, Genuinely, Truthfully and Expressively as I can and it is intended as an open letter to my environment.

Now this may seem odd or silly to you, but it is very important to me. So thank you for letting me share this with you and I hope it will benefit you in some shape or form.

Hope you’re doing great too!

Cheers,

Fida

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Hello environment. How are you? I’m doing fine.

Some of you whom I contact every day will ask what the heck I am sending you a letter for. Some of you whom I have not had the same pleasure of meeting frequently would probably have the same question. But all of you mean something to me and today I want to say hi to you and share with you some things that has been happening in my life. The last time any real news came out from me was probably when I was in school. If I have lost touch of you since then, please forgive me. I have no excuse. Please let me make it up to you by bringing you up to speed on what has been happening in my world.

Well a lot of things happened this year. By July, I have finished my final year project and then my final exam to graduate successfully with a degree in Computer Engineering. I wrapped up my term in AIESEC NTU LC, did my transitions to a very capable successor whom I have no doubt will outperform myself. And I have landed a job in a prestigious Investment Bank as an IT Analyst. The job is great, by the way. But the people I work with are even better. You see, everything is peachy.

But to this I have something to confess. And when I say this, please don’t think that I am ungrateful because the truth is I am very grateful. Yet I was very stressed out and upset with myself. Why? I could not answer. It was certainly not because of the good things that happened. I quickly put this down as a case of me not having a purpose in life and therefore not feeling the satisfaction that people *supposedly* achieve when they know they are doing something meaningful in life. I was under the impression that everything that had happened is life’s deck of cards. Just that I had a good streak. This dissatisfaction grew so strong that I know something must be done.

By another stroke of luck perhaps, I had gotten to know of a particular company called DifferWorld through their contribution to the AIESEC activities. They run a Transformational course called KNOWing that is based on every day principles that are immediately actionable. I went in to their introductory course and thought that this is a very comprehensive course given their 10 week lengths that include coaching sessions. I thought to myself, if there is any course I should go once in my life, it should at least be this comprehensive! This and the fact that they were taking their last batch of KNOWing sealed the deal (So don’t worry this is not a commercial for the course as you can see there is no more courses being run). I put literally every cent I have into this course as I decided the cost of me being stuck in the same loop was far much greater.

The course began by unraveling some of the basic principles and fundamentals of an every day life, or as our coach puts it, re-learning your ABCs. It went so basic as to question what is listening and how do we listen. It then gradually progressed to commitment, collaboration, involvement and other little things so simple yet complex to understand. This was followed up by many applications and an intensive seven week coaching. But to my dismay it was not as easy as I imagined. The assignments we had to do were often hard and challenging. Often, if not always, I would go back home after midnight from the long sessions we had, feeling exhausted and drained. Let me put that again, emotionally exhausted and drained.

Throughout the course, I’ve been hit with realizations after realizations that I don’t think will fit in this email if I list them all out but I want to share a few ones that particularly hit me hard.

First, I thought I had a commitment, but I was playing a percentage game. It was not even half way through the course that I realized this. The very essence of the dissatisfaction I was feeling. I am an 80% person. I mostly go 80% of the way. Get mostly 80% of the things I want to achieve. In any case, isn’t “80” a good number compared to 50? 30? No one can say you did not do anything, no one can say you did badly. In fact, if everyone did 50, you were doing great!! No one, but yourself know where is your 100.

The truth is I often took the word commitment for granted, as I imagine other people too. I realize, not many people know commitment. Yet it is the simple act of doing it or not. Try is just an illusion, a concept to cushion the failure.

Inevitably, this is a confession that during some point in time when we were up to something. Good or bad  I was probably doing 80% of what I needed to do. If we are to do some things again in the future, may I ask that you remind me of this?

Second, I thought I was missing out on a mystery called the purpose of life. But what is a purpose of life? Even if the world wisest person tells you, would you believe him? If you spend most of your time convincing yourself you don’t have it, how can you trust what people tell you? In this lays the irony.

I spent many times wondering what my purpose in life is. But it is precisely in the act of questioning did the concept elude me. Simply embrace a purpose and you shall have a purpose! You see how simple life can be? I was just making a problem out of something that was not!

Third, I thought I was contribution. This has hit me particularly hard as I realized that there were many times I did not contribute to you on which I can and I should have. I apologized to this. I was for a big part of me selfish and ingenuine. I can grasp the concept of me winning and not that I think of people losing. But to think win win is something that was just not there, much less to contribute. Contribution, by the way, is not participation.

And participation alone is already hard; it needs commitment and presence: body, mind and soul. It is exhausting and it means opening oneself to the point of vulnerability. In my book, vulnerability meant a sign of weakness. But now I realize, it is a sign of great strength that we allow people to affect you and grow from it. Being invulnerable has done damage to my life. I intend to change that, I hope you can relate to this too. Again, I sincerely apologize for the past times where I was being selfish, ingenuine and not contributing.

Without realizing, 9 weeks has gone pass me. The last session is just around the corner. Up until this point I cannot say I am fully transformed. I cannot even say I know where I end up in life. But for now, the important thing is, I know roughly where I should go. I know I need to work on certain things. I know my strength and weakness and what I should look out for. And I know whatever that goal is, I cannot do it alone.

So after this, what am I up to?

Some of you would be glad to know I am starting to exercise again, at least twice a week. I’ve also recently picked up cycling. From what I hear there will be a charity ride going on in December which I will be joining. I will be most happy if anyone wants to join me on this effort.

I am also *apparently* on the AIESEC alumni committee. And I am currently accepting ideas and inputs on what should the committee be doing. A good input thus far is having our own charity corner inside the Alumni where people can come together to offer services for charity works. Nothing big, but if there’s anything I can see from AIESEC alumni is their realization of doing rather than watching. Again, if anyone wants to join me please do.

The last thing I want to point out is that I have started to cherish my moments with you, my friends better than ever. As much as I can I would like to have more interactions with friends with genuine dialogue. This is rather a challenge for me as I have gotten into the habit of protecting myself so much so that it takes me quite a long time before being comfortable with people. I need your assistance on this to tolerate me . By the way, now that I have started working and therefore having money, I would very much like to start traveling more, if you’re up for it. We don’t need much. A weekend away from the city is a godsend. Anyone?

Lastly, if you are still wondering, at this point, after going through the entire letter above, why the bleep am I writing to you? It’s because on some ways we are connected but I believe there is more that we can do together.

So, family, friends, loved ones, I hope that my letter may move you to the better, for your business, relationship and life. Or at the very least, I hope it lets you know that you are welcomed in my world.  ¶ 10:08 AM